I sincerely hope that no one has to show this article to their best friend who is currently talking to their evil ex. I hope everyone had an awesome break and that the awesomeness from your break was in no way correlated to the bursts of dopamine you got from talking to your ex again! But the realist in me knows that is not the case for everyone. A girl can dream.
Whether it’s your long-term ex from high school, an old situationship, or the same old Hinge talking stages, there is a cultural tendency for people to use the breaks from school (whether one goes home or not) as an opportunity to reach out to old romantic partners. This is a noted and understood psychological phenomenon, one I have also noticed circulating within McGill’s student community. Some of you may know where the break is heading before you even leave Montreal.
Despite my teasingly cautionary tone, this article is in no way meant to dissuade or pass judgment on using breaks to get back in contact with old partners. Rather, it is meant to serve as a social observation. I am a firm advocate for second chances and trusting your intuition. However, as a writer and a student, I feel forced to confront the question of why exactly we do this. There is no one cause for the upward trend of rekindling relationships over breaks, which is rather borne from a combination of factors: equal parts timing, boredom, nostalgia, and a loss of identity.
For some, being at school and tasting independence has allowed them to discover a new sense of self distinct from family, childhood friends, and the environment in which they were raised. Subsequently, returning home after having been away for an extended period of time can feel like reverting to this old identity, which is in turn connected to the people of their pasts. Supporting my personal irritations, I noted a large amount of online discourse describing the feeling of reverting to your 16-year-old self the moment you step through your front door. This phenomenon explains the revisiting of a failed relationship as well — making decisions the younger, more immature version of you would, even if your current self would not. You may never catch yourself thinking about a past partner, but suddenly, when found in an environment you once shared, your mindset is transported back to your common past. Moreover, if you are in close physical proximity to this person once more, rekindling a dead spark becomes much more plausible. People often use the very foolproof guise of seeking closure in person over these breaks to test the waters once more.
Boredom and nostalgia also play a crucial role in facilitating this dynamic. Winter break is a time when life slows down — when we have time to think, reflect, and feel. At the same time, we enter an extremely nostalgic environment. The emotionally dangerous combination of boredom and sentimentality push you towards that risky text, no matter whether you’re the one receiving or sending it.
However, routines return eventually, and normal life resumes. Are these rekindled flames able to withstand that, or will they fade out? Are these circumstantial and fleeting opportunities the second chance every relationship deserves or simply false potential? The evidence, the pattern, the trend, leads one to believe that it’s not about the partner but about the conditions. I may not be great with statistics, but based on the experiences of my me and my friends, there is no way so many people have amazing past romantic interests that they’re somehow destined to reunite with.
That’s not to say that the choices one makes to communicate with their old partners over break are dissociative choices you have no control over or responsibility for. However, that’s also not to say these choices are not an accurate reflection of what people truly want. We must all be held accountable for our own actions. Simply because it is a social trend with clear causes does not mean that we lack agency, and the fact that this is a shared experience does not mean it’s necessarily a wrong (or right) choice. It is merely worth taking note of the seasonal patterns that affect so many of us, so that we can all think critically about our personal decisions. This would enable us to closely examine our actions and the influence of emotion on them with curiosity and openness rather than judgment, and give us room for personal growth and self-awareness.
If you sought out this article for guidance or moral direction regarding your post-winter break romantic predicament, I apologize for my more critical approach. If I had to conclude this article with some concrete wisdom, I would advise you not to listen to made-up TikTok dating rules (that is an article for another day) and to trust your gut. That being said, if your friends are saying it’s a terrible idea, then maybe, just maybe — they might have a good point.