As you may have heard, there is a huge commotion happening at McGall this week, over a very, very trifling matter. Truly, it should not have even been brought up to your attention; and believe us we have tried. Regardless, certain not-so-nice forces have been trying to misguide you. We are not pleased, but we are a benevolent hive mind; so we are willing to let this one slip.
We are FSC. We are the hive mind.
And you might be thinking right now: “What the hell is this representative of the most benevolent, beneficent, benign, benedicted, and bentonitic entity in this land talking about?” Furthermore, you might even be thinking that I am beating around the bush purposefully, in order to avoid the question, and hoping for you to completely forget what I was talking about. That’s just preposterous! Our hive mind has never done that in the history of ever. Stop lying.
Seriously, it makes no sense for you to even consider leaving us – as if that were an option to begin with. There is no leaving us. For even if you think that your ties are cut, we shall appear in your dreams, we shall appear in your nightmares. In the corner of your eye, you shall always see us.
But more importantly we shall always be there in your budget books, a constant reminder that you were once part of the hive mind.
Also, please do not think we are trying to intimidate you into compliance. We would never, ever, not in a million years do that. We mean, how could we possibly intimidate you? Sue you? Bring you to court? Spend the money that you give us on pointless legal battles? Don’t be absurd.
And besides, we are loved by everyone, that’s what the voices tell us! And we are all about voices! We are a fully democratic hive mind after all; all the voices in the hive mind are heard. Any other hive mind would try to silence or kill off the dissenting voices; but we don’t. We believe in the freedom of speech. You’ve heard of freedom of speech right? It’s the right to put advertisements on buses. Have we ever stopped you from publishing your advertisements on buses? No we haven’t. Because we wouldn’t.
So, why do you hate us so? It is because you listen to the words of that wicked sophist, Jonny Gloomy! “It’s so difficult to quit the hive mind, this; oh no, the hive mind does not represent our interest, and has in fact been absent in Quebec for the past 5 years that.”
Please. If Gloomy is so smart and powerful, why doesn’t he lead the hive mind? Because he can’t, because the hive mind is one. We are legion, we have no leaders. We serve one purpose: to lead the students of this beloved country to glory. Democracy, freedom of speech, lobbying, federal level, and a bunch of other words too!
Anyways, the point is; you shouldn’t leave us. Please don’t leave us. We need the cash.