June 9th, 2025 – Maybe everything is somehow destined to be okay. Date with a girl who told me I was attractive. I hope I don’t fumble.
June 10th, 2025 – I think this girl is really cool. I’m going to see her on Sunday and I’m quite excited. Leaning into this crush and trying to NOT overthink it.
July 22nd, 2025 – I got my tarot read! Son of wands: self-confidence, adventure, newness. Chariot: moving by strength of my own will. Ace of cups: self-love, happiness, loving couple.
August 18th, 2025 – It feels so real. I told everyone that my feelings for her are non-existent. But now I maybe feel for her. I need to sort out what is truth and what is optimism.
October 1st, 2025 – Been talking with her every day since I saw her. Maybe we’re meant to be something.
October 7th, 2025 – I talked to her about morals for two hours.
October 16th, 2025 – I’ve maybe acquired a girlfriend.
November 1st, 2025 – I have to stay in this relationship until November 15th. Or else I haven’t given it a good shot.
November 17th, 2025 – I was told today that my time will come to find a lover. I already have one. A lover that happens to live in this arctic city, I guess.
November 19th, 2025 – My friend is obsessed with a Jewish girl too.
November 28th, 2025 – I think I need to tell her I love her. Because I know it. And she needs to as well. I want her to know I mean it. I know its true. But there are so many ways that will make this so complicated. She’s going to be even more heartbroken than me. But I know I’m just processing it before it happens. But I declare it here: I love her.
My cousin is getting married to a man she loves but has so many qualms with. Maybe in a way, love is the need to compromise. I’m not sure that means I don’t love her. I think love is supposed to mold to the state you’re in. I have enough love for her to wrap around the earth’s equator, and yet it’s not molding to 200 miles.
December 17th, 2025 – We exchanged the big three words with each other. I still feel uneasy. Maybe we love each other, maybe we don’t. It won’t matter in the end. How lucky am I to have someone think I’m awesome and good at sex and worth loving? I don’t think I’m ready to compromise for this love. Maybe one day. Why do I fall in love with the wrong people? Or is it right person, wrong circumstances? The
circumstances are, inherently, a part of the person.
December 18th, 2025 – I love you with my whole heart. It scares me and it satisfies me. The way I feel about you is something I’ve never felt about anyone else, in the weird way love works.
I often think about how you said you were afraid I only like (now I can say… love) you because of the way you make me feel. Of course I love the way you make me feel. I feel complete. But I love you for a million other reasons.
I love your thought process. I love how insightful you are. I love how much effort you put into the things you love. I love the way you tell stories. I love the way your laugh sounds. I love the curls at the top of your head snipped just a bit shorter than the rest. I love your passion for Thai food. I love and adore your art and your crafts. I love your piercing stack. I love the way you smell like summer and warmth. I love the way your eyes sparkle in the sunshine of my room. I love the freckles on your left cheek. I love the way you express yourself over text. I love that you ask me about my day every day and genuinely want to know the answer. I love how much you love your people. I love that you are nothing like who I expected you to be. I love that you still think about how you didn’t kiss me on the first date even though you really wanted to. You said it first, but you are my light.
January 1st, 2026 –
2026 GOALS
– Cool hairstyle
– Straight A semester
– Run 3x/week
– A girlfriend that lives in Montreal
January 3rd, 2026 – We broke up a few hours ago. I miss you fully. You are such a light in this life and you don’t always let yourself feel your own warmth.
January 5th, 2026 – I continue from my bed in Montreal. Your heart has soaked itself into my bedsheets, the wood of my desk, the posters on my walls. My pillow smells like you. My bedroom is both mine and yours. I opened my door for the first time since we were here together to see your art on the floor and the tiny scribbled words under your signature: I love you. My room remains a portrait of our time together.
You exist to show others magic. I think you showed me true, powerful love. I know I’ll love you for a long time.