| Activities Night: Tinder for SSMU

There are only three types of people on Tinder. Those hunting for that insta-goals relationship, those who have no idea what they want, and those just tryna fuck.

All of these people attended the SSMU Activities Night. The tablers, clearly, are searching for a connection. They want passion. They want commitment. They want you to pay for their TimBits at meetings. They want to tag you in their photos and have you be cool with it even if all your friends rag on you for being whipped.

Unfortunately, most of what they have to work with are those in the second and third category. We saw the wanderers drifting from table to table, engaging some poor hopeful club for a hot minute before “oh, apologies, my friend wants me to go meet them over there.” I SEE YOU TALKING TO THE OTHER A CAPPELLA GROUPS, CASEY. These people talked to at least twenty clubs, but only gave their email over to one, and unsubscribed from the liststerv the very next day. Or whenever they had time to get around to hitting unsubscribe. They’re kind of in a weird transition phase right now. Sorry.

Last, but not least, we have those looking to hit it and quit it. Really. They’ll shake your hand, snag as many pieces of candy they can fit in their other hand WHILE THEY’RE STILL SHAKING YOUR HAND, and disappear before you even know their name. This was not a mistake on their part. They don’t want you to know their name.

However, there is still hope. Sometimes the heavens part and the circle completes itself and a student looking to pad their grad school resumé / actually genuinely interested in your eccentric esoteric engagements will join your exec board and shamelessly promote your club events on Facebook and go to every single meeting. Until, of course, they meet this really interesting person and picnic dates replace club fundraisers on their calendar. Ah well. There’s always next year.


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