Compendium  Fuck this(es)!

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Fuck judgement

Fuck judgement. One, who the fuck are you to judge me or anyone else? Two, SHUT THE FUCK UP. I would say I’m sorry for not fitting into your societal norms, but in all honesty, to paraphrase Chris Rock, if you were hanging of the side of a cliff and all you needed was one fuck to pull yourself up, and I was standing there with a pocket full of fucks – and you asked for one – I would say, “Sorry, you know I don’t give a fuck.” I mean for real, don’t people have better shit to do with their time than tell other people what they think of them without being asked? Ask yourself this question: do you actually know anyone who likes being judged? It sucks to have it done to you and it sucks even more if you do it to someone else. So how do we solve this complex problem… Oh. I have an idea. DON’T DO IT, YOU IGNORANT SHORT-SIGHTED FUCKS. If I hear “well, in my opinion” one more time I swear to my commie, socialist, leftist god that I will lock myself in the library until I have a mastery of aerospace technologies, build a rocket ship from empty beer cans, construct a propulsion device made of microchips or some shit and blast the fuck off into outer space where I can be in peace. And before someone calls me a hypocrite, they should refer back to the part where I. Don’t. Give. A. Fuck. Still. Shout-out to the non-judgemental folks out there, though. Y’all give me hope.

Fuck fall semester

Fuck the fall semester and its lack of a fucking break. Fuck not shaping course plans in terms of how much time is actually fucking available, giving students the shitty, short end of the fucking stick. Fuck being tired all the time and fucking running from one place to another because 24 fucking hours per fucking day isn’t enough to get enough fucking sleep to truly enjoy the fucking “best years of our lives” AND do the fucking work assigned to us. Fuck thinking “shit, this is fucked up” when glancing at your fucking schedule, but having no fucking choice because that’s what’s fucking expected. Fuck being stressed about shit when you should be as fucking calm as a peaceful fucking pond warmed up by a toasty fucking summer afternoon sun in order to fucking learn properly. Fuck.

Fuck secularism

Fuck secularism. Fuck people who think secularism means that everyone automatically has the same rights as everyone else. Fuck people who don’t see that the so-called secular countries of Europe and North America actually have cultures based on Christianity. Like, how is a country where the president ends most of his speeches with “God bless America” considered to be more secular than, let’s say, Turkey? Fuck people who disguise their Islamophobia as secularism. Fuck people who have no problem “praying for Paris” but flip their shit when they see a Muslim woman wearing a veil and call this being secular. Fuck the manarchists of Montreal who want to “charter” the shit out of the whole world and think Quebec is “radically secular,” when Quebec pays for someone to clean the huge fucking cross on top of Mount Royal.

Fuck dads

Fuck dads. Fuck charismatic, funny dads who are so fucking morose at home and get so fucking angry for no fucking reason at their partners. Fuck dads who spend entire fucking days in fucking silence doing fuck all to help around the fucking house. Fuck emotionally unavailable dads who occasionally send you long fucking emails apologizing for all the fucking wrong things. I don’t fucking care if you think that stress is fucking genetic. Fucking apologize for some real fucking shit for a change. Fuck dads who refuse to fucking tell you anything about their fucking life and don’t teach you their fucking language. Fuck dads who don’t fucking realize that when you Skype them out of the fucking blue – when you usually fucking never do – that there might be some fucking important reason why. Fuck dads who fucking love you and you fucking love them but you just fucking wish you had never grown up to see all their fucking faults.