Compendium  FSC is a nest of vipers

Disclaimer: Yes you did.

It is a little known fact that FSC stands for Fucking Scammers Collective. Your correspondent found out the truth a few years back, on a negotiating committee, but I failed to understand the significance at the time.

At first, the institution of the FSC seemed such a dream-like wonder to those involved that criticism in any form seemed heretical – even, dare I say it – heartless. Who could not but look and marvel at the glorious bureaucratic machine that had been created, and the great hordes of demoralized office-mandarins efficiently sweeping up money, and hope, in equal measure.

Those were days of love, when FSC was uniting Canadian students in a single worker’s soviet, fighting bourgeois administrators, and fighting for true democratic values. This was the FSC many students came to love. Democracy, voters rights, freedom. What could else students want? Wasn’t this worth the block grant of $100,000 a year. Didn’t we invade Iraq for these values? Didn’t that prove its worth?

I digress. Things started to unravel for me one day when a FSC officer visited McGill. Here was an emissary from the centralized will of students; what pearls of wisdom had he learned in Ottawa? The person in question swaggered into Thomson House to rapt attention, with me following closely behind. I asked him how we could improve our democratic structures at McGill. He told me to make a gift to the FCS, and everything would be all right.

Months went by and no reply from the emissary. PGSS paid my way to Ottawa, convinced perhaps that FSC were so caught up in their important mystery-rites they had forgotten about the offering of money. I walked deep into Ottawa in search, finally being directed by a local peon to a mansion. He told me to “watch out for those guys.”

Inside the mansion, I was mobbed immediately. “He actually came,” cried one. “Take everything, leave nothing,” growled another. I felt like I had walked into Fagin’s house in Oliver Twist. I asked them why they were doing this. One bespectacled man explained politely they needed money to spend on fighting counter-revolutionary students. I left Ottawa dejected, and hurt.

If I have learned one thing from my yoga and “How to Have More Confidence” classes, is that you need to reject people who are mean to you. FSC are big meanies who betrayed my trust and took my things. Although, this experience is a personal one, I urge students to reconsider their membership in FSC. If you think that one day you will join their mystery cult, as so many hope, you are mistaken. Our money is better spent on negative advocacy for FSC. Or even informing students what the clever acronym they use actually means: Fucking Scammers Collective.

Please note that this column has been shortened and edited pursuant to a notice of complaint from FSC lawyers.