Compendium  FUCK THIS: a masterpost

Fuck the middle class

Fuck the goddamn middle class and their whiny, entitled children, who think that because they only got to go to Disneyworld twice that they’re fucking poor. Fuck their judgmental bullshit about welfare and whining about people with no power while the wealthy fucking rob them blind. Fuck middle-class moderates and bullshit arguments about how if you’re polite enough the powers that be will just fucking take their boot off your fucking neck. Fuck people who grew up with separate bedrooms and cars and RESPs and then dumpster-dive and act like it’s some fucking act of revolution. Fuck this idea that hard work and ingenuity will get you fucking anywhere, and then sneering at people for being poor when they work three jobs just trying to feed their kids. Fuck the middle-class moral panic about how many children poor people have, and especially fuck people who like that ‘Idiocracy’ bullshit about the poor outbreeding everyone for eugenicist motherfuckers.

Fuck Canada

Fuck Canada. Fuck Canadian beer, which tastes like rusty machinery water and costs an obscene amount. Fuck this place’s inability to make one goddamn good slice of pizza, or come halfway close to making good Mexican food. No, all they can do is throw a fucking ladle of gravy on top of fries and cheese and call it a delicacy. Fuck this place’s terrible fucking history that no one wants to talk about. Fuck their thin veneer of false humility and kindness that immediately disappears whenever hockey is involved. Fuck the fact that this country stakes its entire fucking psyche on the game and would fall into the next Great Fucking Depression if they didn’t win a gold medal. Fuck all the shitty music that comes out of this country – the government even knows how shitty the music it is but forces radio stations to play it.

Fuck the fact that I’ve spent three years here, and love it, but hockey makes me despise everyone, especially people who don’t watch a second of hockey outside the Olympics and then think they can talk shit. Fuck the total jingoism this country embraces at the same time as belittling Americans for their nationalism. Fuck Sidney Crosby’s dumb fucking face, and Patrick Sharp’s dreamy face (stupid sexy Sharp!). Fuck how much everything here costs. It’s cold all the time, and even the nice days are rainy. Fuck. Fuck! I’M LIVING IN A NIGHTMARE. GET ME OUT OF HERE, BUT, ALSO, KEEP ME HERE, BECAUSE I LIKE A BUNCH OF OTHER THINGS. Get me to the woods, pronto.

Fuck grad school

Fuck grad school. Fuck this stupid exploitative system with four PhD students all vying to replace a single retiring prof. Fuck this system that churns out PhDs with no fucking chance of a career in their field, just so your university can brag about all the world-class research that gets done while people burn out and leave. Fuck expecting people to work 14-hour days. Fuck this joking about how long you spend in your lab and never see the sun or have a life. Fuck investing years of your life for the chance to spend years more moving around from job to job, waiting for a tenure-track position to open. Fuck this lie about how university will lift you out of poverty when you can just die starving as an adjunct lecturer. Fuck all the free work you’re expected to do, reviewing journal articles while publishing companies make millions making you pay to publish, and making libraries pay for their journals. Fuck the mass transfer of public money to private hands when it’s $3,000 to publish research that was funded by public money. Where the fuck else are content providers expected to pay for the privilege of providing content? That’s some fucking bullshit right there.

Fuck fun people

Fuck you, extroverted, fun-having, gregarious, party-going, excitable, BuzzFeed-quiz-loving, inane-facebook-post-making, happy assholes. I fucking hate you. Go the fuck away and stop trying to get me to come out to your stupid parties or like your stupid posts. I hate the pressure to be fun and likable. You know what? I’m fucking crumbling under the pressure of school and work. I feel like I’m going to fucking implode with stress for all of the 20 goddamn hours a day I’m awake and doing fucking work, and even my fucking dreams are stress dreams. I’m too fucking busy for your bullshit so stop telling me I’m a party pooper before I poop in your fucking mouth.

Fuck February, and fuck graduation

Fuck February. Fuck its shortness which makes everything else seem long in relation. Fuck waiting for news. Fuck waiting for news about the future, in particular. Fuck having to think about the future. Fuck graduating, which, to be real, is only a marker signifying the passage of time and some mild accumulation of fact that will literally have no impact on my or anyone else’s lives. Didn’t I celebrate this exact thing four years ago? I think I was better at it then, too. Fuck this slow sink into oblivion, and fuck people who say you’re taking yourself too seriously when you make the mistake of mentioning that. You know what, well-adjusted people? You know what, people who aren’t even graduating? Yeah, you. Fuck you. And fuck this process. I would say I can’t wait to get the fuck out, but I don’t even know what the fuck is out there. I was never fucking taught.

Fuck undergrads

Fuck ‘em. There’s a special rung in hell for judgy undergrads who don’t do reading, then judge the TA for a bad conference, the devil take them. Fuck the rude fuckers who come in five minutes late, sit at the back hiding behind other people, and then start whispering. Motherfuckers with their laptops open need to get smacked the fuck up – this isn’t Starbucks and I’m not giving you credit for your trite answers lifted from Wikipedia. Fuck your awkward silences to easy as fuck questions, and fuck the stupid glances you share with each other when I make it clear I expect you to have an answer. Fuck steering the conversation to things you want to talk about so that you look clever. You don’t look clever. You look like you want to look clever. Fuck your stand-offishness, and fuck your annoying neediness during exams. Fuck all you motherfuckers.

Fuck you haters

I’ve always been nice to others, and despite most people’s disbelief at my selfless behaviour and their endless doubt in how genuine my kind gestures are, I’ve always stood guard for one principle: ‘To be the positive change that I’d like to see in my world’.That being said, just because I’m nice and optimistic as a default manner, that doesn’t mean I am incapable of feeling anger and hatred towards all those who personally attack me by ignoring my words and invading my space.

So fuck all you haters who hurt me because you think that I am meek, and weak, and silent. And fuck all you ignorant imbeciles who judge and belittle me for being the better person I want to be. Fuck you because no matter how capable or incompetent, beautiful or ugly, happy or upset, wise or naive, true or fake I seem to you, I am simply an imperfect human being just like you. And I don’t fucking give a damn if you listen or not since your attention means nothing to me. Fuck you. =)

Fuck writing

Fuck writing. Fuck reading. Fuck dealing with people who apparently can’t do either, despite having gone through multiple years of higher education. Really, how did you get a Master’s without learning to deliver a cogent argument, and better question, how are you able to, like, GET A JOB, while I’m floundering in a sea of self-hate and discarded Cheetos bags?

Fuck trying to make people have opinions. Fuck trying to pull opinions out of people like they’re teeth but like, at least when you pull teeth the patient’s asleep and not STRUGGLING like you’re trying to corrupt their soul or something. Honestly, when did it become okay – or actually, desirable? To not feel a single thing or believe a single thing? Don’t you feel dull? I feel dull FOR you, when I’m not busy feeling frustrated for me.