Compendium | The Noisome Revolution

Change is in the air – and it smells of egg

The Quiet Revolution has become a part of Canadian history, and now it seems – political scandals notwithstanding – that a new chapter could be added to that sacred book. Much like the oppressed francophone population of the 1960s, or Victorian children, this Montreal community is “seen but not heard,” but all that could be about to change with the election of outspoken new leader René-Mouflette.

In his inauguration speech, he outlined his campaign of civil disobedience by personally spraying the Mount Royal Cross and proclaiming himself “even smellier than Jesus.” The comments drew scorn from both Christian and atheist associations, though for different reasons. Right wing pest control companies, however, are pleased with the attention René-Mouflette is drawing to the skunk community. It is believed in certain exterminator sectors that the mayor’s office will be prompted to fund a comprehensive extermination program.

It has been hinted to journalists at City Hall that the issue is more complicated than it appears. One official, who wished to remain anonymous, outlined the situation. “This may seem like a civil rights issue, but it’s nothing of the kind. For years now, Franco-Canadian-Skunk relations have been improving, and we have even begun to make progress with Anglo-Canadians. René-Mouflette’s election is a step backward – and let’s not forget there’s an ongoing investigation into the legality of some of his campaign donations.”

The suspicion is that certain pest control companies have been funding René-Mouflette’s election, in a bid to harm Human-Skunk relations, and clean up when the resulting extermination calls come in. Admittedly no proof has been found so far, and the skunks’ leader remains, at one end at least, tight-lipped. The ambiguously-named NEP (Nationalist Exterminator Party, a union of right wing pest control companies), on the other hand, released a defiant statement late last week. “The NEP would not dream of making any donations to such a loose cannon as René-Mouflette. Any cursory examination of our books will reveal that we actually supported his rival, the consummately chill Snoop Skunkk, whose policies were more in line with our concerns.”

The other NEP (Nationalist Exterminator Party, a splinter cell devoted to the extermination of nationalists) sees this as purposeful obfuscation – or to use skunk parlance, a blatant covering of one’s tracks – on the NEP’s part. Snoop Skunkk’s official website is an Instagram picture of the skunk in a beanie, with a link to underneath. He also failed to hold a single rally – while nonetheless securing 32 per cent of the vote.

The official investigation was described by the anonymous City Hall worker as being “thorough and ruthless in its search for truth.” Unable to resist dire quipping, the worker added, “they will not be afraid to kick up a stink.” Despite these assurances, the investigation has been prevailed upon to delay presenting its findings until next spring. This is at the request of René-Mouflette, who will be in semi-hibernation and building up fat reserves over the winter. Whether the newly-elected leader is a civil rights activist for the 21st century, or just a pawn in the latest NEP plot, remains to be seen.