Compendium | Campus construction to continue indefinitely

Reportedly “for the greater good”

Various construction projects around McGall’s downtown campus are expected to continue at their current rate “indefinitely,” reports one administration insider. The construction sites, which include Sadpath Museum and the Sadpath-McLooter Library complex are in full swing as classes move into the second half of the semester, and show no sign of slowing. After the annual fall Book Fair was cancelled due to construction, students have begun to grumble about the projects’ interference with day-to-day campus affairs.

Following a volley of complaints, McGall administrators released the following cryptic statement in an email to campus news outlets: “Tell them whatever you have to tell them. Just know that everything is happening for the greater good.”

A Weekly correspondent visited Jones Administration building demanding answers last week, after having emails and phone calls ignored. Later, he sent a text message to The Weekly’s office which read, “Just met with ‘Mr. X’ – nice guy – said he couldn’t talk in office. Wants me to meet alone at Rutherfort Reservoir after dark. I have a good feeling about this!” On an unrelated note, if anyone has any information as to the whereabouts of our associate, Dan Large, please let us know.

One marketing professor who wished to remain anonymous suggested that “no one would ever suspect a school forever under construction to be floundering economically.” According to Professor Sam Golding, of the Department of Pointing at Graphs, “The construction is probably intended to take the University of T-Dot down a peg, the bastards,” at which point he spat on the floor of his office.

As always, there are student groups and vocal individuals skeptical of the administration’s aims. Theories are numerous, ranging from insidious xenophobic neo-colonial impulses, to McGall’s recently-ex-Principal, Heatha Mama-Boom, seeking the treasure of James McGall in a scheme “remarkably similar” to that of Warden Walker in the popular youth novel Holes.

Despite the slight inconvenience, many students are remaining positive. “The sound of power-tools keeps me awake and focused during the day,” said Divad Sandool, a U1 engineering student. Divad is one of several students and faculty members who, after ascending the steps across from the McGall Bookstore in a backfired shortcut gambit, stood looking over the construction at Sadpath Library. “It’s fun to climb on when you’re drunk,” opined Mira Kpolovic, fourth-year philosopher.

“The only issue for me, as a soft-spoken Canadian Studier, is the–” said Betty Magulis, before her voice was lost in the cacophony of buzz saws, hammers, and French expletives.

As the weather begins to cool, the pace of construction remains unvaried, and one begins to wonder if students and staff will find any reprieve in the frigid, desolate months of Canadian winter. Our administration insider denies such hopes, claiming that construction crews have already signed contracts to persist through the cold. But where will they work? “There are various interior sites around campus that require immediate attention, such as lecture halls, washrooms, and libraries.”