Dean of Farts Christopa P. Manfreddo has assured students, faculty, staff, and other administrators that new plans to restructure the Leacock building by consolidating all administrative services on one floor, breaking up the current departmental structure, is the “only sensible thing to do.”
Manfreddo said that administrators have learned from their previous attempts to complete major structural redesigns and that this one cannot possibly go wrong.
“This time we are going to write down our ideas before we do them,” said Manfreddo. “[It’s] foolproof.”
Previously, administrators barked orders from the top of James Admin and assumed that they were “obeyed.”
“It was a good and a bad system,” said Manfreddo. “We enjoyed it, but then the graphs.”
Currently, each academic department in the building has its own floor and administrators, because of face-to-face contact.
Manfreddo told The Twice-a-Weekly that if the proposed fool proof construction project goes ahead, academics, students, and other nuisances will be moved to “one of those roads to the left, as you look at James.”
“McTavish, is that one?” said Manfreddo. “Or Peel? Somewhere west of Peel would be nice.”
The newly-vacated space will then be used to house an above-inflationary number of administrators, each with a bespoke security officer.
“The security officers will help with autonomy and solidarity, collegiality, and it’s always good to have personalized relationships between security staff and administrators. Losing these intimate relationships would be too high a price to pay for ensuring faculty and students can see each other in a building on campus,” said Manfreddo. “But Second Cup is nice.”
Despite Manfreddo’s confidence that he is doing a good thing, many on campus are not so sure.
Faculty are pretty outraged but too scared to say anything generally because they’re reading; “damn and blast,” one anonymous faculty member wrote in an email to The Twice-a-Weekly.
Support staff are tired of this, but totally unsurprised and won’t comment because what’s the point.
Management students have praised the move but have asked why the Dean “has not yet thought to outsource students and faculty to India.”
Campus communist paper The McGall Daily is “pissed” about the plans because “they are not rad,” but has offered little in the way of constructive criticism, its staff preferring to shelter in their echo-chamber in the basement of the Shatner building.
Despite the largely negative feedback and the administration’s inability to count past the number six, Manfreddo is confident his solution is “the best of all the worlds.”
“We spoke to the physicists, and it looks like there is actually only one world,” Manfreddo said. “So we think we’re going to halve the budget…for shits and giggles.”