Compendium  Operating procedures regarding demonstrations, protests, and occupations on McGall University campuses

McGall University brings together consumers from across the world in a high-pressure environment designed to inculcate obedience toward authority and tradition. McGall is a place for monologues and autocratic grandstanding, both inside and outside the classroom. The University values a limited variety of opinions, and as a matter of principle discounts the lived experiences of its members, encouraging self-censorship and groupthink in accordance with the University’s motto: “Different, but not too different.”

Tolerance is required for the meaningful expression of dissent, hence it is unsurprising that the administration reserves extra-judicial powers in order to prevent inconvenience that may arise from the means by which opinions may be expressed. We also decline to apologize for the deliberately vague syntax of our documents.

Members of the University community and its investors have the right of freedom of expression, freedom of association, and freedom of peaceful assembly, which are defined as follows:

Freedom of expression means the right to communicate one’s thoughts, beliefs and opinions, and to comment on select issues, including the right to criticize non-normative elements of society at large, and University Radicals (TM).

Freedom of association and freedom of peaceful assembly mean the right to form international development charities, and participate in their activities by selling samosas, and to engage in meetings and demonstrations free from the threat of having your preconceptions and received wisdom challenged.

At the same time, these rights are subject to limits established by extra-judicial powers and by the efficacy of campus security. In particular, there is a need to safeguard other core institutional objectives, including the acquisition of private funds from wealthy donors and access to board meetings by corporate dudes. Consumers of the McGall University Education (TM) must be able to carry out their normal activities without undue interference, and in an environment protected by “good guys with guns.”

McGall University is committed to upholding these values and these rights at any cost.