Like MUNACA, we have also declared a strike this fall. The nature of our strike, however, is somewhat different. We have no qualms with wages or pensions – the thing is, certain relationships have been giving us far too few benefits.
But we’re not talking about the McGill administration; we’re talking about dicks of a whole different kind. Said dicks, and those to whom they belong, have been treating us less than adequately. Much like the McGill administration, they have been withholding information, sending mixed messages, falsely portraying our situation, refusing to engage in discussions with interested parties, and broadcasting misrepresentations.
For this reason we – like our role model in not-taking-any-shit-from-no-one, Miranda Hobbes – have declared a sexual strike until conditions improve. Picket signs will be the only things raised in our beds in the cumming weeks. Horns will be the only things blown, and drums will be the only things pounded. The following is a list of our demands.
1) Don’t be an asshole – especially after we sleep with you.
2) Don’t be a hipster-leftist misogynist – the fact that you’ve read bell hooks doesn’t mean you can interrupt women when you talk to them.
3) Don’t kiss us and then introduce us to your significant other – confusing, to say the least.
4) An injunction on aloofness – refusing to talk isn’t cute, seriously.
5) Don’t talk to me only on facebook chat or by text message – try a fucking phone call.
69) Don’t play games – we’re not opposed to role playing, but let’s climb on out of the sandbox when it comes to matters of the heart.
In summary, if you want the striking to end, and the stroking to begin, you’re gonna have to step it up. Basically, we’re just looking for someone who makes us want to sing Beyonce’s “Love on Top.” Is that so much to demand?