Commentary  The Dark Motorcyclist returns!

Re: “Newburgh deceived Ivies” | News | February 14

Hello Daily, Hello All, Hello World!

This is the Dark Motorcyclist, here to unveil the latest truths about faded, washed up former heroes.

On this occasion I’d like to toast Zach Newburgh (the Apt Pupil) for his twisted aspiration to become the next (even more elitist) Mark Zuckerberg.

I don’t think David Fincher is in the mood for a biopic about a sad clown who valiantly attempted to take SSMU along on his demented quest for money and fame, his brains having been melted and reconstituted by the shadow-dwelling De Brabant.

One reads the articles in our cherished campus newspapers, and one wonders what it was like in all those strange hotel rooms on weekends, having told friends that there was yet another family gathering to attend… et cetera, et cetera.

Too bad about Jobbook. Who is this nefarious Jean De Brabant? What was his real intention, whisking the impressionable, unsullied Newburgh from one seedy Motel 6 to the next? What kind of wild Charles Starkweather trip was he on, anyway?

Yours Truly,

The Dark Motorcyclist

Devon Welsh

U3 Religious Studies, Drama and Theatre

Received February 14