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Gutteral mind: Sexy parties, all the time

There are certain things I often wonder about, but don’t have a clue how to answer. For instance, is jail really like it is in the movies – complete with an underground economy of cigarettes and bitches? How would one go about hiring an assassin? How many tennis balls can a golden retriever fit in her mouth? How could I organize a giant orgy?

Important questions, dear reader, and today I will answer one of them: sex parties. They ain’t no Short Bus myth, but are alive and well in our city. Cirque du Boudoir and Against the Wall, a fetish night and bi-monthly party for women and transfolk respectively, are two party planners who are re-imagining your Friday night out.

The following are five tips on how to organize your very own sex romp.

The first rule about sex parties is that you can talk about sex parties – but quietly.

The main problem is that you don’t want a bunch of weirdos creeping up on your sex party. Word of mouth is the best way to advertise, with maybe a few blog posts or craigslist ads here and there if you’re feeling adventurous. You won’t see any fancy Jack Dylan style posters for Against the Wall, but if you keep your ears open, and maybe scan craigslist once in a while, you might be getting some later tonight. The point is that only people who actively seek out the party will know about it.

Bringing polyamory to, uh, poly-venues.

Against the Wall only announces the location 24 hours before the event, and Cirque du Boudoir never chooses the same venue twice. While sex parties aren’t exactly illegal, it’s best to keep things travelling to avoid raids by either cops or unwelcome visitors.

No effort, no entry.

In the spirit of keeping the environment sex-positive, Cirque du Boudoir refuses entry to those who don’t dress up in fetish attire or who haven’t bought a ticket in advance – basically randoms off of the street are not welcome.

Rule enforcement is key.

Keeping things safe, sane, and consensual – the three mandates of the BDSM sexual fetish community – are the most important aspects of any sex party. It’s as vital as having pizza or your dad dressed up as Darth Vader at your seventh birthday party. Against the Wall has different rooms for different play – including a cuddle room and a chill-out space. They also have active listeners available for anyone who may be negatively triggered by an event and needs a break; they are identified by pink bandanas around their arms. Voyeurs are asked to keep a polite distance, and the organizers reserve the right to kick out or ban anyone they deem disruptive, offensive, or abusive. Strict adherence to the rules means that others can continue to safely enjoy some light domestic discipline, ya know what I’m saying?

Safe(r) sex.

The Toronto Roller Derby League once gave a party with a back room where you could watch yourself being filmed having a fun time. Impressive bit of technology, yes, but the thing that impressed me most was that gloves were provided in the back room. If you’re docking your ship in different ports, condoms, gloves, and dental dams are of the utmost importance. Bring your own, and bring it up. STIs can happen to you too, bro. And remember, there’s no way to accessorize herpes.

To invite Julie to your next sex party email