September 29, 2014

Compendium! | January 20, 2014
Kinda Student-run Café relocated to third floor of Mecock Building
Complex Bureaucratic Process moves Farts Admissions to former location of Le Pink Girl
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The Faculty of Farts’ People, Ponies, Processes, & Partnerships (PPPP) plan has encountered more criticism from student groups after a newly added clause resulted in the relocation of the newly open Kinda Student-run Café to the third floor of Mecock.

The PPPP plan was supposed to centralize the administration of McGall’s Faculty of Farts in order to cut costs but has been criticized for not meeting the needs of students and also moving the Kinda Student-run Café into the former Farts Admissions office.

“We wanted sandwiches closer to us,” explained Dean of Students Andres Goodcopoulous, between bites of a reasonably priced but not-too-cheap tuna sandwich.

This resulted in a tragic shortage of coffee and sandwiches for McGall students who are unable to locate the relocated Kinda Student-run Café. Furthermore administrative consolidation has resulted in an administrative nightmare that has been called “Kafka-esque,” “near-Soviet in its dedication to inefficiency,” and “kinda inconvenient but not that much worse than what McGall had prior,” by various students who wished to remain anonymous.

For instance, in order to see an advisor for the Department of Pointing at Graphs, a McGall student must first see an academic advisor from the Department of Criticism and Critiquing. After being told that they are in the wrong place, they must get a form from the fifth floor of Mecock, now designated as the Floor of Forms and Associated Miscellanea (FAAM). After that they must run down to the basement of Mecock where the advising forms will be stamped. Following this the student must run to the FAAM floor and back down twice to get the same form and get it stamped in triplicate.

“I am sorry but I really don’t have time for an interview; need to get these forms stamped or else I can’t graduate,” said a U3 student in the Department of Criticism and Critiquing in between gasps.

Calls asking about student involvement in the shaping of this policy were answered by senior Farts administration. However, only the sound of moderately-priced potato salad being chewed was audible.

Another working group of PPPP was renting out the fourth floor of Mecock for farmers to graze their Shetland ponies. This bold step to raise revenue was hampered by the slight oversight that it is impossible to grow grass on the linoleum floor of Mecock.

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