Snaps for comics! Snaps for the IGSF! Snaps for cowboy hats! Snaps for SACOMSS! Snaps for corgis! Snaps for feeling cute! Snaps for 2-foot-long pull-apart Twizzlers! Snaps for Bong Joon-ho! Snaps for the entire cast of Parasite! Snaps for our dear friend Noah! Snaps for Madeline Wilson! Snaps for seeing the sun from the office! Snaps for root beer! Snaps for speedy quick ed1s! Snaps for solidarity! Snaps for Amy’s cool outfits! Snaps for TikTok activism! Snaps for springtime (which will show up soon)! Snaps for reading week! Snaps for double salt black licorice! Snaps for Glee covers! Snaps for reuniting with your long-distance boyfriend! Snaps for Kate speaking the language of love on Valentine’s Day! Snaps for spring break! Snaps for pie! Snaps for discounted Valentine’s day candy! Snaps for GSFS! Snaps for friends who mail you tea! Snaps for oversized sweatshirts! Snaps for ice skating! Snaps for Wet’suwet’en solidarity demonstrators shutting down VIA Rail! Snaps for land defenders blocking Metro Vancouver Ports, streets, and trains! Snaps for Canada losing millions of dollars! Snaps for new music! Snaps for free pizza! Snaps for good coffee! Snaps for hanging out with your friend’s roommate’s fat cat! Snaps for videos of sleeping dogs! Snaps for horoscope vibe checks! Snaps for your platonic gal pal! Snaps for raspberry jam! Snaps for fig jam! Snaps for blackcurrant jelly! Snaps for my cat Sally! Snaps for pretty vinyl records! Snaps for female film composers! Snaps for Laura Dern! Snaps for Florence Pugh! Snaps for Florence Welch! Snaps for Sandra Oh! Snaps for Saoirse Ronan! Snaps for Aubrey Plaza! Snaps for Park So-dam! Snaps for Jo Yeo-jeong! Snaps for AOC! Snaps for Samira Wiley! Snaps for Lupita Nyong’o! Snaps for all of these women stepping on our necks! Snaps for the Oscars not being completely and utterly awful for once! Snaps for Taika Waititi! Snaps for golden hour! Snaps for news babies! Snaps for harm reduction! Snaps for well- produced podcasts and audio essays! Snaps for an edboard that always makes you laugh despite how bad your day was! Snaps for motivated youth! Snaps for dumb jokes that you have to laugh at anyway! Snaps for cooking on Wednesday nights! Snaps for millennial pink! Snaps for fighting gentrification! Snaps for the Word Menu! Snaps for CKUT! Snaps for the hard-working folks at QPIRG! Snaps for student activism! Snaps for playing music! Snaps for four bananas a day! Snaps for snapping! Snaps for sleeping in! Snaps for S’Wok! Snaps for Pandora, I guess! Snaps for sharp pencils! Snaps for the motherfucking ocean!

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The Gaily’ s editorial board has decided to retire the section formerly known as “Compendium.” From now on, page 16 of our paper will be blank. We believe that a blank page fits our anti-oppressive mandate better than a satire, crossword, or comic section ever could. After all, no one deserves to have any fun until the world has been rid of all inequality.

We came to this difficult decision last Friday at 4 a.m. Some members of our understaffed team had been in the office for 13 consecutive hours, while others had been working for a mere 10.

As we toiled away at this labour of love we received a knock on our door. There were three people who had come to talk to us, and they had some very valid concerns about Compendium. For one thing, they don’t find it valuable. “I don’t read the Gaily regularly,” Billie McGrount (Arts U1) told the underpaid board members. “But sometimes I look at the back cover if someone’s left a paper out. And let me tell you, I think it’s disgraceful. Your content is consistently sarcastic. How can you call yourselves journalists?” We explained that out of our 16 page paper, one page per week is devoted to satirical, lighthearted, or otherwise amusing content. We assured Billie that if she were to open a copy, she would find that the rest of our paper is in fact an actual newspaper.

Another concern was that Compendium is rarely funny. “You know who’s funny? Seth Rogen. That guy really knows how to make me laugh,” said Gert Clumbert (Science U0). “Or like, I dunno, who’s that lady comedian? She’s, uh, you know. You know the one I’m talking about.” Despite the entire board repeatedly telling Gert that we genuinely did not know to which “lady comedian” he was referring, he refused to give us any specifics other than: “you know the one I mean, she’s… kinda… you know…” The Gaily remains on the case, pushing our exhausted staff to figure out the identity of this “lady comedian.” Regardless, Gert makes an excellent point. Our sense of humour is a far cry from that of Seth Rogen. We deeply regret this fact.

The last criticism of Compendium was that it draws attention away from the rest of the paper. “Like I have no problem with it, per se, it’s just that it delegitimizes the actual content you produce,” said Brent Gilliam (Arts U2), who then admitted he also had no idea what kind of “content” we produced. “It’s like, a magazine, yeah? Sorta like Vice News?” The three students bid their leave and then proceeded to stand directly outside our office complaining loudly. We alerte them to the fact that we could hear them and they apologized for their rudeness. Once we went back into the office they began again at the same volume. “It’s like, they think they’re a real paper, or something,” laughed Brent. “But what’s most important is that they’re all having fun.” The others agreed, and as they departed we could hear them discussing an “underground artist” they all seem to have “discovered” recently. They deemed Lizzo “a feminist icon,” who “deserves to get more mainstream recognition.” They all shared the same opinion, but the discussion remained lively due to the fact that they wanted to hear themselves speak.

For the reasons presented to us by those three students, we have come to the difficult decision to let go of Compendium. It has served us well, but it’s time to move on. Next week, a blank sixteenth page will be a sobering reminder of the world’s ultimate  futility.

In solidarity,

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