A bunch of rubbish

The words “trash” and “garbage” are used interchangeably in the English speaking world, and I would like to put an end to this. Place yourself in this situation: you have just finished a granola bar and want to dispose of the wrapper into a receptacle. You make your way over to what seems to be two identical disposal units arranged side by side. When you reach the two bins you notice that one is labelled “trash,” while the other is labelled “garbage.” Where do you throw your wrapper? Trash, of course. Don’t be fucking stupid, garbage is for stinky, wet stuff while trash is for dry materials. You wouldn’t call an old Tupperware full of rotten lasagna “trash,” that shit is straight garbage. A mixture of both trash and garbage, however, will yield garbage. An analogy may help to illustrate my point. The union of garbage and trash is like an interracial couple, in which garbage is equivalent to a Chinese woman, and trash is similar to a white male. If these two lovers have a child, it would totally look Asian. That gene is just way more dominant.

Moving away from touchy, racial subjects, people can be “trashy,” people from the south can be “white trash,” and a hotel room can get “trashed.” On the flip side, breath can smell like “garbage.” Breath that smells like trash wouldn’t be so bad; it would be like paper and nuts, and maybe a little fruit juice. In sporting events, some people who direct slanderous comments toward members of the opposite team are considered to be “trash-talkers.” It is interesting to note that in basketball, a trash talker is rarely also the “garbage man.” The “garbage man” is the hardworking, blue-collar-type on the court. They clean up after the trash-talkers, who just camp out on the three point line and toss up junk. When I play basketball I’m kind of a garbage man, but I also talk a little trash. For example, a few weeks ago I insulted a seven foot Dutchman. This was not a good idea, and to avoid a clobbering, I decided to “can-it.”

A pile of trash makes me think of the leftovers from a home renovation, like drywall, rusted nails, and cardboard. A pile of garbage stinks terribly, and could give you a disease if you get cut, and then a part of the garbage touches you. Note how I used “part” and not “piece.” There are “pieces of trash” but garbage is one being. I think there is a band called Garbage, and Courtney Love was in it [Ed note: There was, she wasn’t], but I’m not going to google that information because that would be trashy journalism.

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