Let my pupils go

“The biblical Israelites may have been high on a hallucinogenic plant when Moses brought the Ten Commandments down from Mount Sinai, according to a new study by an Israeli psychology professor.” – Reuters, March 4, 2008.

“I’m sorry, sir, you were where?”

“Um…in the…um…desert.”

“OK then, let me write that down – the desert. And just how long were you there, sir?”

“Like…a reeeaally long time, man.”

“If you had to guess.”

“Oh…I don’t know…like, maybe 40 years or something.”

“You were in the desert for 40 years.”

“Well…it would have been shorter if somebody had told us where to go. God…that guy, man…seriously. Y’know you think you know someone…like…really know him? Y’know?”

“Yes, I’m sure. And you were travelling through the desert alone, I take it?”

“I wish, man. I had an entire nation behind me. ‘Where are we going, Moses?’ ‘Are we in the promised land yet?’ I promise I’ll punch you right in the neck if you don’t shut your manna whole, Miriam.”

“And who is this Miriam?”

“Dude! You know Miriam, too? Duuuuude.

“Let’s move on. Just how did you get to be in this desert leading a nation of people?”

“Bad shit, man. Things with Pharaoh got reeeaally tense.”

“This ‘Pharaoh,’ he’s a friend? A family member?”

“That fucking guy, man. He was like a dad to me, man. A dad. But I saw right though his bullshit. ‘Moses, could you clean up your pyramid before dinner?’ Fuck that shit, man. More like, ‘Hey Moses, why don’t you go ahead and make your own people into slaves?’ I don’t know, Pharaoh, why don’t you go ahead and drink rivers of blood while frogs, fleas, hail, plague, and locusts descend from the blackened skies, bringing incurable boils to your loins and death to all of your first-born sons, douche bag.”

“OK, how about we go back to something you said earlier. Now, this plant was on fire, but it wasn’t being consumed by the flame. How is that possible?”

“Yeah, man…I light one of those things up pretty much every day. They actually last a lot longer than you’d…oh shit…the burning bush…umm…yeah…that totally happened too.”

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