Compendium | McGall set to strike in alternate utopian universe

It would almost be funny if it wasn’t so real

Dan A. Ray, last seen in the pages of The McGall Weekly conversing with Satan himself, recently returned to The Weekly newsroom, having just visited an alternate universe in which McGall students were set to strike in response to austerity measures recently implemented by the Quebec government. The Weekly managed to get a copy of Ray’s report.

The students of this alternate McGall seem set to strike, joining with many other Quebec universities in an effort to repel the Quebec government’s austerity program. McGall organizers had no problem conversing with representatives from other universities, as McGall students apparently make an effort to learn and speak French whenever possible in this universe.

Student representatives I spoke to in this universe were straightforward in their support for a strike. “Ever since the last strike – over tuition hikes, which we readily joined – this movement seemed like a no-brainer,” claimed SHMU councillor Ihavean Opinion.

“Our council took a strong stance on the events, despite the fact that some of our constituents may have disagreed. We figured that that was our job, and set out to properly organize, such that the entire student body could vote on the matter. I’m nearly certain that we’ll strike. Those who vote ‘no’ are sure to respect the decision.”

Opinion’s confidence was backed up by the voices of other students I spoke to on campus. “Listen, I don’t see my education as merely a means to an economic end. I’m not getting my degree just to get a job. Besides valuing the inherent worth of my education, I’m also very cognizant of my place within Quebec society, and feel that this movement supersedes the capital importance of getting my degree at exactly the time I planned,” said Ui student Mountain Dew Wolfman Bull. His opinion echoed many of the ones I heard during my trip through the alternate universe. There was clearly a strong, well-defined political left at this McGall campus.

Other things were strange about this place; Bull continued to tell me that the McGall Actually Daily is “well respected around campus. Not everyone agrees with it, but they make sure to make their disagreement part of a well-reasoned discussion as opposed to hating the entire paper regardless of the content.”

I asked him what the discussion was like on a site like reddit, specifically r/McGall. “Reddit? I, um, haven’t heard of that website.”

Stunned, I spoke to another student. “The McGall administration has been super supportive of us through all this,” said U6 Biological Economical Political Theory student Neputinius “Big Al” Batiboy.

“They really listen to our concerns, and have worked hard to continue to cater to the students’ needs. I feel like they could’ve stopped after successfully divesting from fossil fuel and military research, but they’ve gone the extra mile. My advisor, who’s always available to talk, was just remarking how well the school has responded to the stress of a strike. She even mentioned how the TAs would continue to be paid nearly as well as the professors themselves once the strike started.”

I continued to walk around this campus, strangely diverse and politically active. The campus bar was not jammed full of assholes, rather, there were a bunch of not-too-loud people enjoying a drink. I sat down at a table of people who greeted me warmly. As I took my first sip of beer, Satan’s voice beckoned me. “You must return to my fallen world,” he said. At that instant I traveled through a wormhole back to our own universe, back in Gerts. It was loud, and a bro was screaming at me to “chug or go the fuck home.” I walked back to The Weekly’s office. No one at this campus – in this universe – would ever strike.


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