Compendium | Dean of Farts throws tantrum

Dean Manfreddo actually a baby, according to new consensus

Student journalists were shocked to learn last Monday that Dean of Farts Christopa P. Manfreddo had blocked them on Twitter, the popular social networking service. The Weekly learned of the shock move when its journalists were on one of their mandated internet creeping sessions.

After prolonged negotiations with Manfreddo’s mommy, Weekly reporter Baphomet Muscletone was allowed to approach the Dean of Farts for comment, on the condition that he “play nice.”
“Sometimes the other kids call me names and it makes me sad,” admitted Manfreddo. “Besides, my mom says I’m cool,” he added, nervously fiddling with his backwards cap.

Farts Faculty insiders weighed in, saying that Manfreddo could be “a bit touchy,” in an anonymous email to The Weekly. “He’s a humourless drone,” they continued. “We live in a constant state of fear that we’ll insult his ego with some throwaway remark. He’s hell-bent on abusing what little power he has and takes criticism pretty rough.”

Reported sightings of Manfreddo playing with the SSMU babies have long drawn comment from students at McGall. Popular opinion has now coalesced over the Dean’s motivations. “At first when I saw him clutching that leash with the little kids I thought it was some kind of publicity stunt,” said Jill Spellbinder, U2 Occult Sciences. “I guess he’s just more comfortable among his own.”

Weekly reporter Muscletone brought up the allegations in front of Manfreddo, but was rebuffed with piercing wails of “it’s not fair” and “no one understands me.”

“Don’t you worry about him,” Mommy Manfreddo told The Weekly, after the Dean had gone to bed. “He’s usually bright as a whistle after I tuck him in with his chocolate milk and read him his bedtime story.”


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