October 20, 2014

Compendium! | November 19, 2012
Radical students secretly “bro-out”
Left-wing activists also fans of new Twilight movie
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The Twice-a-Weekly can exclusively reveal that McGill’s left wing activists secretly attend beer-pong parties where they listen to Avicii at least once a week.

Despite claiming that beer was “only invented to keep the masses from seeing the truth,” and that Avicii represents “the triumph of the capitalist spectacle economy,” activists cannot keep themselves from partaking in “the circus of oppression.”

“I know it’s counter-revolutionary to chant ‘Three cheers for McGill’ while listening to Deniz Koyu and fist-pumping into the ceiling,” said U3 Criticism and Critiquing student Marxius Leninius. “But, damn, that sheezy feel good.”

Leninius has been identified as one of this campus’s main rabble-rousers, but has recently been spotted on Thursday nights at Tokyo, buying people drinks with his father’s Amex Platinum and preaching the virtues of a four to the floor beat with an aggressive wobble bass line.

“I know that there is absolutely nothing sexy about this aggressive and emotionally-stunted music,” said Leninius. “But I also know that it makes me take me shirt off. Look at dem guns. Looooooook.”

Apart from overlooking the thirty-year-old history of sexy house music in favour of nonsense that was made on Ableton yesterday, the activists have revealed an interest in “everything Twilight.”

“Omgggggggggggggg Bellla. Omgggggggg,” said King Sharzem O’Granny, U6 SSMU Studies student. “I love her.”

Despite the terrible reviews the film has been getting, O’Granny claims she and several other “anarcho-anarchists” get together and “just, like, screammm” once every two weeks.

“Fighting capitalism is hard,” said Sharzem O’Granny. “But I love Blockbuster movies in a totally non-ironic way. Yay.”

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