Compendium | In effort to stymie pickets, McGill destroys campus

Fearing that the existence of physical space on and around campus has given labour organizers an unfair advantage amidst the ongoing strike, McGill administrators have decided to turn the University’s campus into a gaping pit of rubble and dirt.
Apparently at her wit’s end, Principal Fairweather Munroe-Hume sent a memo to staffers last week entitled “Just, just, just blow it all up.” “Friends, we are entering a period of total war,” the memo read. “The time for dilly-dallying and compromise is over. As Principal of the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Learning, I hereby decree that all physical space on around campus be reduced to a smouldering pit of destruction.”

According to an official at the Department of Defence who wishes to remain anonymous, Provost Tony Mass-e recently put in a request to have the Royal Air force carpet-bomb the area between Peel and University, but the request was declined on the basis of new austerity measures recently implemented by Minister of Defense Peter McKee. “We’re sympathetic to the Ministry’s efforts to reduce spending,” Provost Mass-e told the Daily in interview last week. “We just really effing wanted some carpet-bombing up in here” he added, before parenthetically muttering under his breath, “I love the smell of napalm in the morning.”

As locations where pickets have taken place, the areas surrounding the Milton Gates and McLennan library have been the first to go. According to Provost Mass-e, students can look forward to seeing the Arts Building destroyed by means of wrecking ball in the coming days. “We’re bringing this University DOWN,” laughed the Provost maniacally. “IT’S GONNA BE BIBLICAL.”


Comments posted on The McGill Daily's website must abide by our comments policy.
A change in our comments policy was enacted on January 23, 2017, closing the comments section of non-editorial posts. Find out more about this change here.