Hello Daily, Hello All, Hello World! (For my true fans this will be a welcome reference to my first letter.)
I have been doing some thinking. First, I have realized that The Daily hates me for some reason. Why do you hold these feelings, Daily? Is it my intelligence? My insight? My fearlessness and refusal to lie to the people or otherwise manipulate them with shoddy pseudo-journalism?!?! I have realized that even superheroes have enemies, and that haters never take time off, so neither should I.
Second, what in God’s glorious name is this “Hewman” flyer that I found stuck in the first page of my Daily on Thursday afternoon? Crude poetry, even cruder images…. If The Daily is responsible for this, I’m considering a protest (maybe in Gert’s…. We’ll drink until The Daily apologizes). I DO NOT want to see “Hewman” appearing ANYWHERE on campus again, and if I do, I will place complete blame on The Daily and its affiliates.
Thank you and thank you and thank you. Kids, eat your onions and remember to think twice before talking trash about Zoog and/or “The Dark Motorcyclist,” because he/she is probably somewhere very near….
P.S: As I always say, “Extra-terrestrials are people too!”
Devon B. Welsh
U3 Religious Studies, Drama & Theatre